Forch'N Telling: I'll Enjoy The Movies ON MY OWN TERMS!

(Note: This is the first Forch'N Telling on TNTM 2.0, if you recall, this was my rant from the former TNTM Radio show, I am just bringing it back where it belongs...)

Well it looks like the health-nuts are at it again...

As I do virtually every night, I leave the dungeon that is my basement, and I go upstairs to eat dinner with my folks, and in the case of yesterday, my daughter Chloe as well. If we happen to be eating at the 6 O'Clock hour, then we always watch CHCH news at 6, with Nick Dixon (The least charismatic newsman, EVER!), and I was sent into a tailspin! Well, not really, it was mostly preaching the obvious to me, but of course, the liberal media has to go and bash another of the rituals that we hold dear.






The Ritual??? Going to the movies and enjoying a Bag of Popcorn.

The Cinema and Popcorn have gone together for decades now. Ever since the moving picture was brought to the public, it seems like that has become the "Standard" snack of choice for theater-goers. In the Late-nineties, we saw that trend shift, as big theaters became the standard, and with it, franchises for food vendors became the norm. Nowadays, the specialty foods may still exist on some level, but you can never take away popcorn from the moviegoing experience.

Well the only thing that can take that away is the ridiculous price for snacks, but that's a discussion for another time. But the bit was led in with one of the most pathetic news "Setups" I have ever seen, then took what was originally an article from another source, and turned it local, by incorporating the local theater (Silver City Ancaster, great theater, BTW) The reporter, whose name I can not remember for the life of me, went on to say that if you order a popcorn with butter, you're looking at about 1,200 calories, and 60g of Saturated fats.

While that is a lot of calories, I still don't see it as much of a problem.

I really think that it's just taking things a little too far nowadays, where we have to break down and analyze every little thing in our lives, so that we can live "Longer, More Active Lives". I say, follow "ForchMan Rule #21" which is "Enjoy the little things." (And yes, I know that there's a rule the exact same from "Zombieland", so don't even start on that!) We need to stop overanalyzing everything we eat, because we're slowly becoming a society that doesn't know how to enjoy itself anymore.

Who really cares how many calories are in a bag or tub of popcorn, really? I mean, how often do you eat movie theater popcorn anyway? I go to the movies at least once a week, and I don't have popcorn every time, in fact, the last 5 movies that I have gone to see (2012, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Zombieland, The Invention of Lying and Law Abiding Citizen, I think that was the last 5, I may be wrong, I go so often) I did not, in fact order popcorn. Most of the people I know, go to the cinema much less frequently than I, so what does that say about the amount of calories we are ingesting via theater popcorn???


Some things in life we need to just shut the hell up, and enjoy. But no. These "damned hippies" who have to complain about everything that may be a little "Naughty" and go on a crusade to make it better... You people make me SICK! If you really hate these things, than you have the GOD GIVEN RIGHT to choose not to eat them. Don't spoil it for the rest of us who actually enjoy them. Don't make it sound like you're doing us a favor by "Rescuing" us! I pray that the Theater Chains know this, and won't give in to "Hippie Pressure" because "Healthy Alternatives" may be right for some things, but we don't need them for everything.

Just let me, and the rest of my brethren enjoy our movies in peace, and go protest to the Oil Companies and get them to lower the price of gas. Or better yet, if you're going to picket the cinemas, picket them for lower prices on concessions.

But that's just my opinion... What do I know???

By: Forch F. Fortier (Who reminds you that the movies can be a magical and wonderful place. So of the greatest times I have ever had were at the movies. I remember the days when I worked in a movie theater in Oakville, and they were some of the greatest times of my youth. So support your local movie theater, because without them, we'll never have those memories.)

Come get your stupid

Normally I'm not a ranter, not really anyway... I don't hold much to that school of communication... I suppose you'd say I'm more of a listener than talker most times. This time has got to be different. I'm fat. No way around it. I like food, I don't get out enough to exercise. I work in a job that doesn't promote moving around much.

So because of all these things I tend to eat out a lot. Lately I've been on an Arby's kick. It's been one of my guilty pleasures since I was young. I like the roast beef flavoured plastic, I like the Horsey Sauce, which tastes not entirely unlike horseradish.

And in the more recent years I like the Loaded Potato Bites.

The one thing I hate about Arby's is their Staffing / Hiring process. I mean I understand it's fast food not Political Science... But really, can I get my order right at least once when I go there.

To give an example of a standard order :

Fatman : Can I get 4 Regular Roast Beef Sandwiches, 2 orders of Loaded Potato Bites, and 2 Diet Cokes. ( ok now I understand how dumb it seems, to order all that fatty starchy food for 2 people, then order Diet Coke... I really do get it... )

Window Licking Moron at Cash : Uh huh, is that all..

Fatman : Yes that is everything.

Window Licking Moron at Cash : So that's all.

Fatman : Yup, that'll do it.

Window Licking Moron at Cash : Ok, so you wanted 4 regular roast beef, 2 loaded potato bites, and 2 diet coke. that'll be $xx.xx.

Fatman : Ok good.

Now here's where it all breaks down. He says the order into the microphone that I'm pretty sure was used by Nasa mission control in the Apollo era. And I'm sure I heard him say 4 Arby-Q sandwiches. Now I'd be cool with that, but my wife is not a fan of the Arby-Q, which is why I ordered the Regular. So I approach the WLM@C, and ensure he understands regular, not Arby-Q, he says yes and goes into the back...

Alright, so far so good. I head back to the car with my 2 bags of food and my tray with 2 drinks... So we drive away having forgot the cardinal rule of fast food. Check your bags before you leave.

So in the car and driving away I start to pull out the food, 1st sandwich -- Arby-Q. 2nd Sandwich -- Beef and Cheddar. 3rd Sandwich -- Beef and Cheddar. 4th Sandwich -- Double Roast Beef. 5th Sandwich -- Beef and Cheddar.

So I picked a fairly easy order, because really. I wanted to make sure we got something we could eat. And granted I got 1 more sandwich than I ordered, and almost everything I got would have cost more than what I ordered, but really?!? This is what passes for customer service?

On the plus side I did get both Loaded Potato Bites, but I got a diet Coke and an Iced Tea.

So a few lessons to be learned, always check your order before leaving the fast food restaurant of your choosing. Look your cashier in the eye if possible and gauge how likely you are to get what you order. Listen to what he tells the people in the back, or read the little screen if you can. Repeat your order and speak up if you think they got it wrong.

And remember : At Arby's you don't have to be stupid to work here, but it helps...