Video Games that Inspire Smut

Video Games that inspired Porn. Its hard to say that sentance without chuckling at least a little. But yes, lo and behold, since the uprising of the geek and their attemps to claiming their inheritance (that being the earth ... duh), a wellspring of smut has spawned out from under a rock, much like some of the nerds themselves.

Now a lot of people will think I'm talking out of my ass, and in this instance I don't really blame you. But no, it is 100% truth, and I know 'cause I've seen it.

I'm not quite sure when this whole fad started, more than likely would have to be in the last ten years or so, but it has not only grown, its exploded. Now the following stuff may shock and horrify you semi-nerds or religious folks, but its my article and I'll be damned if I'm not posting it on account of you, mom.

I never paid much attention to what was going on in porn, as far as acting or talking or story arcs or subplots, but one day on a whim, thinking on how clever I was, I typed into google the phrase "World of Whorecraft" with a giggle. Well, sure as shit, it comes back, not only with pictures, but a full series of 10 initial episodes. All hardcore, all with acting thats actually a cut or two above regular porn acting:

Male Actor "Hello ma'am, your pizza/Plumber/TV repairman/Poolboy/Sex is here"
Female Actor ~Opens the door mostly or entirely naked "Oh, come right in, hope you know how to (insert cliched "sexy" thing here)" ~Followed by an attempted coy giggle~

These porn folk sincerely try to act and some of them have marginal talents aside from being able to fit entire arms in their nether regions. Now being that this is, I assume, a PG-13 site, there won't be any hardcore images in any of this (and believe me thats tough to do). And I said I'd never be able to find chick in green paint sexy again thanks to one sleeping with Shatner, but I'll be damned, this show proved me wrong.

After the initial success of the series however, Blizzard Entertainment stepped in and decided that they didn't want their "Family Friendly" name being bandied about in the same connotations as a porn production (though they are OK with attaching it to so many other god-awful bullshit themes) , so the producers decided to change the name to Whorelore. Same thing, new name, whatever.


So then there's Final Fuck X (obviously, Final Fantasy X when you see the box) which follows the adventures of 3 women, very close in name to the female protagonists from the aforementionned FF game. Again, porn to me is very rarely about story or substance, acting or costume, but in this case again, I must say, the amount of detail that went into this was astounding (as far as the appearance). Now because I don't speak Japanese and was far too lazy to find either a dubbed or subtitled version, I can assume the "story" followed the normal tone of the game if everyone were extremely horny and didn't care about saving the world, but the amount of silly looks on the actresses faces tells me that story was really secondary, they were simply trying to cash in on a very successful gaming franchise.

Then again, there are also movies (which may or may not be real in North America) which are parodied off of the Left 4 Dead, zombie bore-athon: One known as Left 4 Head and other Left 4 Bed. Due to the fact that these are obviously tied into the whole zombie thing, I refuse to watch them out of sheer desire to not start foaming at the mouth.

Other titles like "Face Invaders" or "Grand Theft Anal" simply are that ... titles that SOUND like video game titles. Though I must say I was intrigued by "Call of Booty."


Progressing right along the curve(s) here, something else was delivered into my waiting lap in regards to this whole subject. In what twisted world could one tie together Samus Aran, Link and Zelda, Princess Peach, Chun Li and even Rayne of the Bloodrayne series before Uwe killed it, with anything honestly sexual? Well a club in California, known as Bordello, have recently unveiled a lovely stage show, featuring a sextet (if you'll pardon the pun) of comely ladies walking out on to stage dressed up as the aforementioned gaming characters and proceeding to strip down to the nipple stickers and t-bars. Not only is this getting rave reviews, its also incredibly lucrative for the club that is putting it on. To add to this, the fellows who are in charge of the show have also taken the liberty with the background music from the original games, updating them to a nice little jazz or lounge style. Lovely. Who's up for a trip to Cali? Forch?


But I prattled on and have once again, single handedly destroyed the innocent wholesomeness of gaming from you forever, as if there were anything pure after Custer's Revenge.

So until next time, this is Major Martin saying, "Son/Daughter, I think its time for us to have a talk about the birds and the bees ... I know they aren't even remotely the same species, but man do they like to get it on"