Commentary: Spaceballs... a Two-Star movie???

I've been putting off this article until I was in a pissed off enough mood, but it doesn't seem like I am going to get angry anytime soon, so please forgive me if my "rant" doesn't come off very "ranty" (is that even a word??)

So I, like many of you who read this am a fan of the movie "Spaceballs", and why not? It is a classic. I remember when I was 10 years old, in the summer of 1987, going to see it with my parents, my (then) 8-year old brother Joel and my (Then the coolest guy I knew... Who knew???) Uncle Craig. We were on vacation in Titusville, FL, and I was hooked.

I remember when we were kids, and we'd get Superchannel (Now, The Movie Network) free for a weekend, and I taped Spaceballs, and I damned near watched it every day. I must have worn that tape out. I swear, I have owned the VHS tape no less than 3 times (Why? Because Holly Gilmore stole my first one, and Gerry Meighan the second) I've owned the DVD twice as well. Why? Because it is one of the greatest films ever made!

The reason for the article itself, is because last week, Teletoon (The Canadian "Cartoon Network" for you American readers) aired Spaceballs late Thursday night. I didn't watch it, because I own it, why would I watch commercials with a movie I can watch anytime, commercial free? What pissed me off, was the fact that in the "Video Guide" Spaceballs is listed as (Get this...) a TWO-STAR MOVIE?!?!?

How the hell, does someone get off calling Spaceballs a Two-star movie (out of 5 stars)??? It just baffles my mind that a movie, with such a cult-following, yet still maintains mainstream recognition, could be given such a poor grade.

Given. Spaceballs is not Mel Brooks' best movie (In my opinion, that title goes to either "Silent Movie or "Blazing Saddles") but my generation loves Spaceballs. I remember my next door neighbor, Mike and I would watch it all the time, and he'd rewind the part where Dark Helmet does his "There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry!" rant, and he'd pause it, when you'd see Col. Sandurz look straight into the screen as it would pan-in, and move out of the way, before the camera ultimately hits Helmet in the face. Mike and I must have watched that part a million times, and every time, we'd still laugh our asses off.

Heck, even my ex-wife loves Spaceballs, and has watched it almost as many times as I have. Hell, I would have never asked her out, if it hadn't been for her telling me that Spaceballs was her "All-time" favorite movie. Ultimately, it's "Spaceballs" that is responsible for the very conception of my child! (No, it wasn't the sex), so how can I ever hate Spaceballs?

For those of you who have never seen Spaceballs, FOR SHAME!!! This is one of celluloid's greatest comedies, and if you can't take 1 hour and 36 minutes out of your busy day to watch one of the funniest film parodies ever made, then you really need to re-evaluate your life, because quite frankly you're missing out.

But whoever is responsible for putting that travesty of a rating in the Digital Cable guide, you're on "The List", and if I ever see you put a rating like that to something like "Back To The Future", rest assured, you'll regret it for the rest of your life, and I truly mean that.

By: Forch F. Fortier (Who reminds you to visit your local Wal-Mart today and pick up the Mel Brooks collection, it's like $50 and you get 8 of his movies, including: Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein and History of the World Part I, how can you go wrong??? You can't! So go out there and get it, and pick up Spaceballs as well, it's like $14.97 every day! Trust Wal-Mart!)