15 Things You Need To Make a "Top Notch" Teen Comedy Movie!!!

Last night, I was up late and I could not sleep. So I decided to tune into The Movie Network and on one of the 5 stations that TMN has, there before me was probably one of the worst and most formulaic "Teen Comedies" ever made. The movie was: "Sex Drive".

Now it wasn't the worst Teen Comedy that I have ever seen (That would have to be: .Say It Isn't So), and I admit, I am somewhat a fan of the genre (I know, I really should be ashamed of myself) and the one thing that I have found, upon examination of the more widely known films of this type, is that there is a certain "Same-ness" of each one.

So I decided to take it upon myself to come up with a script for my own Teen Comedy, so before I start, I need to do my research and come up with all of the elements I need to make a Successful film.

1. Your main character has to be someone who's a lovable loser who can't land the woman of his dreams.

Case in Point: Jim Levenstein (American Pie). Jim wasn't a loser in the sense that he had no friends, however he was enough of a loser that he couldn't get a chick to touch his crotch, even if he had a $100 bill caught on his zipper. He had an obsession/crush (Whatever you want to call it) on Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) who was well out of his league (As well, as a Jew, I am sure that Czechoslovakians aren't "kosher" in the dating world) and he should never be able to score in a million years. So this unattainable woman would be the goal for the protagonist in the story.

Virtually every Teen Comedy has an example of this lovable loser....

2. The main character has a close-knit group of friends, who often give him bad advice, or hinder his goals unintentionally.

Case in Point: Josh Parker (Road Trip). Josh had 3 really good friends at his school, Ithaca College: E.L. (Seann William Scott), Rubin (Paolo Costanzo) and Barry (Tom Green). All three of them convince Josh to cheat on his girlfriend, because they're certain that he's cheating on him. Then after taping the act of cheating on Tiffany (Josh's Girlfriend), Rubin accidentally mails the very tape to Tiffany, instead of the one that was supposed to be sent to her. E.L., the most irresponsible of the bunch (Casted brilliantly) of course convinces Josh to intercept the tape at her college, which is over 2000 miles away in Austin, TX, and of course, hilarity ensues. The trip is of course met with hilarious "Over the top" situations which delay Josh, all because of his friends.

Road Trip is one of those few examples where it's not as much a "TEEN" comedy as much as it's a College Comedy (Not much difference, really)

3. One of the friends has to be either a huge perv, or an all-out sexual deviant.

Case in Point: Steve Stifler (American Pie). First off, any role played by Seann William Scott usually involves him dishing out a lot of sexual innuendo. Stifler was the foil, mainly to Jim (The Protagonist) throughout the film. Going as far as to convince Jim to set up his webcam to video Nadia changing in his bedroom, when they were set to study together. Stifler could possibly be considered the "Antagonist" of the first film, but not really. He's that one "Shit-disturber" friend that everyone has, that you can't help but love, because what they represent is morally reprehensible, however they do it with such panache.

Seann William Scott is the one-true icon of this Character, all others really pale in comparison!

4. The main character's parents are either too embarrassing or overbearing .

Case in Point: Mrs. Bruce (Detroit Rock City). Clearly the main antagonist of the film. Mrs. Bruce was an overbearing "Christian" woman who does everything to keep her son down. Announcing on the P.A. during class about finding his friend's jacket, with KISS tickets, and going as far to burn the tickets in front of him, at the school, none the less (Another validation of point 2). It sets the plot in motion, as of course the hijinks and hilarity ensue, as Jeremiah, Lex, Hawk and Trip (Again a close-knit group of friends) win (at least they think they do) tickets to KISS at Cobo Hall in Detroit, and the Road Trip Begins!

Lin Shaye's performance in Detroit Rock City is probably her best performance. As a life-long fan of KISS, I have to say that if my mother ever did that to me, I'd have never, EVER talked to her again!

5. ROAD TRIP!!!

Case in Point: Scott Thomas (Eurotrip). After he realizes that the German Pen Pal, Mieke, is actually a girl and that she actually cared alot about him. Scott takes it upon himself to travel to Germany, his friend Cooper (The Sexual Deviant friend) decides to tag along to experience freaky European sex. They meet up with Twins (And the completion of the group of friends equivalent): Jenny and Jamie who all travel throughout Europe, so that Scott can finally meet Mieke in person, and apologize to her, (because he told her off, thinking that she was a dude) and win her over.

One thing about Eurotrip I always love is the Soundtrack. Especially "Scotty Doesn't Know" Which even like 5 years later is a catchy tune!!!

6. Plenty of underage drinking.

Case in Point: Superbad. The whole movie is an advertisement for underage drinking. That's pretty much the entire plot! Pretty much every teen comedy involves kids (usually under 21, or High School age at best) getting wasted, or at least they're at a party where others are. Seth, Evan and Fogell/McLovin, (The group of friends) throughout the first 1/2 of the movie are trying to get booze for the party that's being held at Jules' house. Of course things never work out as planned and that's where hilarity ensues!

Superbad was one of those movies that, I believe extends itself past the genre of Teen Comedy (Thanks, Judd Apatow) but it's nowhere near the hilarity of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Apatow's finest movie EVER!

7. You and your best friend have a falling out, only to make up by the end of the movie.

Case in Point: Seth and Evan (Superbad). During the course of their night's objective of getting booze for the party as they promised, Seth and Evan have a "spat" regarding the events that had transpired during the earlier party they crashed (And subsequently stole booze from), and later on in the film when officers Slater and Michaels (Brilliantly played by Seth Rogen and Bill Hader) crash Jules' party, Seth is seen carrying Evan away from the party to prevent the overly intoxicated friend from getting arrested. After returning back to Evan's house, the duo re-establish their "Bromance" and all is well once again in Superbadland.

8. The main character has a sibling, and that sibling is everything he is not (ie: cool, popular) and the sibling does everything to bring the character down, until the end.

Case in Point: Rex Lafferty (Sex Drive). Rex (Played perfectly by James Marsden) is the older brother of Ian (The Protagonist) and delights at making Ian's life a living hell. He's a jock, drives a 1969 Pontiac GTO "Judge" and belittles Ian's life. Constantly accusing Ian of being gay, and doing whatever he can to make Ian feel small. Ultimately, Ian steals Rex's car, to go on a Road Trip (See: Point #5) to Knoxville, TN to meet some girl he's been chatting with online to have sex with. (See: Point #1 - The Main Character). Rex eventually catches up with Ian and his friends Felicia and Lance (See: Point #2 - Friends) and confronts Ian, only to have a change of heart, and let him use "The Judge" to get laid. By the end of the film, Ian and Rex have a more stable relationship, with Rex now coming out of the closet, admitting that he was gay all along.

James Marsden is one of those guys I have a love/hate relationship with. He's a total douche in the X-Men movies, but he's classic in this one!!! I think that he rules in comedy, it's when he's serious that I find he lacks.

9. If you're not going to go with the "Road Trip" option, you have to make the climax of the film take place at a Dance or Social Gathering.

Case in Point: The Centennial Dance (Drive Me Crazy). By this scene in the movie Nicole Maris (Melissa Joan Hart) and Chase Hammond (Adrian Grenier) have had their "Friendship Spat" (See: Point #7) and Nicole has gone to the dance with Chase's friend, Ray. Of course, both characters have now realized that they love one another, and not the people they were trying to make jealous by pretending to date one another. Chase arrives in grand fashion, making a spectacle of himself and securing the love of Nicole once and for all!

Drive Me Crazy is one of my "Guilty Pleasure" movies. In all honesty, it's one that I should really hate with a full nuclear arsenal, however it's one I actually enjoy. It's just like Mannequin... But not Mannequin 2: On The Move.

10. Your main character ultimately falls in love with his best female friend, or the woman that he "Never noticed until now".

Case in Point: Ryan Woodman and Maggie Carter (Whatever It Takes). Ryan is obsessed with Ashley Grant (See: Point #1), but she is far too unattainable for him. Chris Campbell is a popular jock, who happens to be cousins with Ashley. So Chris and Ryan make a deal, that Chris will help Ryan win Ashley in exchange for helping Chris win over Maggie. The problem is, is that over time, Ryan realizes how shallow and superficial Ashley is, and grows miserable. He then starts to develop feelings for Maggie, and things take a turn for the worse, when he realizes that Chris' intentions are not very Noble. Ryan tries to tell Maggie about all of this, which leads them to a friendship "Spat" (See: Point #7) Ultimately, Ryan wins over Maggie, the girl he never noticed (Even though they were next door neighbors and best friends forever) until now.

11. One of the Parental Units of the main character has to be someone who's a well-known comedic actor.

Case in Point: Jeffrey Tambor (Eurotrip). This is the case with almost all Teen Comedies. You have to cast someone reasonably well-known as one of the parents, because normally the stars of the film are not so well known. It's also meant as a way for the "Older" crowd (Older being my age, 32) to be able to relate to the characters more, through the parents. Classic examples of this sort of casting are: Eugene Levy (American Pie), Julia Sweeney (Whatever It Takes), Dan Aykroyd (Loser), J.K. Simmons (Juno), Swoosie Kurtz and Ed Bagely Jr (Get Over It), Catherine O'Hara (Orange County) and the always hilarious Jane Lynch (Sleepover).

Now, I am not saying that I am old, but I always think that it's funny that when I watch a Teen Comedy with a friend who's not really into movies all that much, I find myself saying: "Oh well he was in this/he was in that." And of course, the friends (and you know who you are) look at me like I just farted.

12. There always has to be some sort of a "Gross Out" Scene somewhere in the movie.

Cases in Point: a) (American Pie) Jim having sex with the Apple Pie. b) (Sex Drive) Ian with his "Jerk off" sock missing the hamper, and his future Step-mom slipping on it. c) (Superbad) The "Period Blood" on Seth's pants d) (Eurotrip) Jenny and Jamie (Twin siblings) making out while drunk. And Finally: e) (National Lampoon's Van Wilder) The "Cream Pastry" scene ('Nuff Said).

The Gross-out scene seems to have become a Staple in the Teen Comedy. However it's gotten to the point where it's gross, simply for the sake of being gross. I find that the best way to put gross stuff in a film, is to add a semblance of intelligence to it. That's what made movies like "Porky's" such a classic!

13. The main character has to get in at least one situation, where they're embarrassed in front of a group of people, or over the internet.

Case in Point: (Once again) Jim Levenstein (American Pie). At the urging of Stifler and Kevin (who are watching the webcam hookup in Jim's room), Jim goes back to his room, where Nadia is masturbating, looking at his collection of porn. Jim goes back, and starts to caress her, and he climaxes prematurely. The webcast (Which wasn't coined at the time, 1999) was then accidentally sent to everyone's e-mail at the school, much to the chagrin of Jim.

There are so many scenes like this in every Teen Comedy, nowadays, in fact the inspiration for this post, Sex Drive had like 3 in it....

14. The main character falls in love with the girl who lives next door.

Cases in Point: Nicole Maris and Chase Hammond (Drive Me Crazy), Matthew Kidman and Danielle (The Girl Next Door), and Ryan Woodman and Maggie Carter (Whatever It Takes). It's safe to assume that if your best friend is the opposite gender from you, and she lives next door, well then chances are that is who you're going to fall in love with. At least these three examples should tell you that.

Now of course, this is nothing like it is in real life. First off, when I was a teenager, the people next door had two sons, and we were actually like third cousins, the couple on the other side of our house, the dude is such a douche, in the 15 years they have been there, I have never said a single word to him... What does that tell you???

15. In the end, the bad guy gets his, and the main character lives happily ever after!.

Case in Point: Practically EVERY Teen Comedy, EVER! Just Look!: (The Girl Next Door) Matthew Kidman ends up with Danielle, he has enough money to go to Georgetown University (Thanks to his sex-ed/porn film)... (Can't Hardly Wait) Preston Meyers finally gets to talk to Amanda Beckett after she finally reads his letter, and they kiss, just as he's about to head out on a train for a pre-college workshop... (Encino Man) Dave Morgan wins the heart of Robyn Sweeney, he has the killer post-prom party in his freshly dug pool, and Link (Brendan Fraser's definitive performance) find the cavewoman of his dreams, thawed out in the tub...

So as you can see, the Teen Comedy isn't exactly complicated, it's all really down to 15 different elements. Follow them, and get a studio to provide you with about a $10 Million dollar budget, and you too can produce a profitable film that will delight moviegoers for generations to come!


By: Forch F. Fortier (Who wants the world to know that his Teen Comedy is going to involve a cameo by David Tennant, as the quirky Principal of the High School, and have TV's Richard Hatch (The Battlestar Galactica Actor, not Survivor Contestant) as the main character's father! By The Way, Richard Hatch, I want a rematch on our Thumb-wrestling match from Wondercon 2008! You're going down, Apollo!!!)