Celluloid Sell-Out: Surfing in a Sea of Mediocrity!

Well it's Tuesday, and to geeks everywhere, it's known as new DVD-day. So, I took it upon myself, like I do every Tuesday, and I headed down to Welland's finest locale to acquire the lavish home-video, Wal-Mart, and I took stock of the new releases, to see if there was one that I wanted, or if I was going to stick to the $5 bin and get something mildly entertaining and cheap.

Well it looks like the $5 bin won out this week, because I ended up with the SNL: Best of Mike Myers DVD, rather than the lackluster assortment of cinematic diarrhea this week. Unless, you're a kid, then it's a great week for you!

Here are a list of the more "Major" (If you can use that term) releases for the Week of: October 27th.



The Biggest release of the week has to be Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. Now I like these movies, I find them entertaining, and they're a great watch with my daughter, but judging by these movies (As well as the Land Before Time movies) The dinosaurs didn't last as long as these series do! But the studios keep pumping them out, because let's face facts, they're cash cows for the studios, in a world where it's harder and harder to find good, clean family entertainment.




Speaking of good, clean family entertainment.... According to the standees at Wal-Mart (That's how you can spot the bigger releases!) The next biggest movie is the "Direct to Video": Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure. One can only assume that it's going to involve Lil' 'Ol Tink having fun in some fairy kingdom, but having to overcome some sort of evil witch or comical baddie... Good for the kids, but I am sure as a parent, you're going to want to jam an icepick into your skull.





Continuing the Stellar list of new releases this week is Orphan. A movie that looked bad enough for me NOT to see in theaters, is going to be the hit movie BAD enough for me not to see on DVD. All I know is that it looks like a creepy ride into mediocrity, that people will forget as quickly as we've all forgotten about Amy Winehouse....



And just when you thought it was safe to stop watching "Spoof" movies, here comes "Stan Helsing". From the Executive Producer of Scary Movie comes another version of Scary Movie with a Different Title! Heck, even Scary Movie 3 and 4 star: Leslie Nielsen is in it! Instead of using the comic genius of Airplane! or The Naked Gun as a Template, and spoof mainly 1-3 movies in the premise, of course these geniuses have to spoof EVERY FREAKIN' MOVIE OF THE GENRE! Mashing together jokes like they're trying to put together a puzzle, and have no idea how to make the pieces fit! I used to love these types of movies, now I weep for the Genre.





The only Release of the week that has any sort of redeeming sort of value to it is" Battlestar Galactica: The Plan". Which is basically showing an alternate viewpoint to the SyFy (SciFi) hit series, but this time from the vantagepoint of the Cylons. The movie takes place after the destruction of the Twelve Colonies (The Miniseries), and is supposed to answer some (But probably not many) of the questions left hanging from the series. Of course this is the same sort of release like "Battlestar Galactica: Razor" which'll be on video for a few months, before it airs on TV, and we get suckered into buying it to see it first, when if we were patient, we could have just waited 2-3 months and seen it for free! Of course, I'll end up buying it, just not today, because I already got my $5 DVD!

So yeah, this week.... Not so good.... Hopefully next week will be a bit better.... Let me check iMDB... Well, at least G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra comes out! So it's going to be an alright week for the Geek! Until Next time!!

F.M.